brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
