Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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