You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
