butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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