matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
