Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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