How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
