I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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