i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
