She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
