6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
