I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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