He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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