Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
...so i touched it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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