Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
