We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
