you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
