What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
