garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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