I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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