Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
