she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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