It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
