This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
