you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
