yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
