Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
