Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
