if you like me you must not know who I am
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
