so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
