How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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