Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The power of my boobs compel you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
