I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
