i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
operation have a gay friend backfired
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
