you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
