just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
pop tarts are not kleenex
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
