I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
