just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
