I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
