I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
