can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
