Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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