i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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