It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
