Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
