your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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