how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
