So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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