maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
