Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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