so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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