Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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